Church

So I'm wondering how everyone feels about the modern day church. Not just as a whole, but also specifically about your own church. Frankly, I've been to LOTS of churches. Some were way off based, some I consider to be great churches. But I am at a loss. I just don't think I can do church anymore. OH NO! Don't everybody freak out. I will still go to church until I find something better. I just look at church, and look at Jesus' ministry, and they really don't look anything alike to me. We all get dressed up nice, go to SS, eat our little snacks, spend the whole time talking about our week and how things are, then squeeze in 15-20 minutes of the same stories we've heard since we were kids. Then we have "Worship Service." Everyone sits together, half heartedly sings a few songs, searches for things to criticize in thier heads, smiles and shakes hands with the few people around them at the appropriate time, and listens to a message that is not so different from what the kids hear in children's church. That wouldn't be so bad, but that's all there is. Now I look at Streetscape Ministries. Everyday they have devotions in the morning, which may consist of preaching, singing, and (real)discussion. Then they spend most of the day reaching out to those around them (prostitutes, drug dealers, addicts, homeless, homosexuals, satanists, whatever). Every Saturday they feed the hungry. Whoever needs them. Which one sounds more like Christ's ministry? Really. Don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about the people. I know that noone is perfect, and Streetscape ministries has just as many flaws a my church. But is the way the church is today(even the best of them) really how we want it to be? Scratch that. The way it should be? You know my father has an interesting thought that I agree with. The "Great falling away of the Church" in end times probably doesn't mean a lack of attendence. It probably means that there will be a lack of Spirit in the attendees. Sadly, that is what I am seeing more and more. So, here I sit. Pondering my options. I just can't do "church" anymore. I'll attend until I figure out something real. But I'd be interested on hearing anyone's comments if you do read this. Don't get me wrong.... I don't hate the church or the people in it. In fact I love them and it breaks my heart to see what most have resigned themselves to. Hope everyone understands. If not, so goes the story of me. Its fun being unusual:)

bored poem

Here I am,
Waiting again,
To see the face
Of my best friend.
Being away
Is so very hard.
All the miles
Even make memories seem far.
But very soon
I'll see my mate,
And maybe this time
We can go on a date.
A song for me,
A song for you.
Lets have a song
In a big, brown shoe.
Would you like a piece of pie?

Fear

Is everybody ready for this? The guy who loves Truth is about to be truly honest. I suppose not just honest, but vulnerable. I am afraid of what my Savior has called me to do, but I can't deny whats causing my soul to burn either. Right now I'm listening to Louie Giglio preach. I love listening to him. He always seems so passionate about what God is doing in him. Guess that's why they call thier ministry "Passion." God has called me to stand out in the world like a two headed guy. That scares me. I know all the black, devouring sin that is in my past. You don't. Will it be found out if you can't help but see me? I want to stand back and be a good christian, live my life, raise my children to be great christians, and die content on my way to heaven. But when I hear the word of God brutally honestly spoken ( in preaching or song or nature) it tears my heart from my chest. It flings my spirit into the sky as if setting it to fly with joy and sorrow and peace and passion. "I heard You calling, setting fire to my soul." God, i dont have the words. I dont usually ask this directly, but please pray for me. There is a lot I need to get straight in my life, but should that stop me from taking up my cross right now? I love Christ with all my heart, but I dont want what He wants neccessarily. I love people who are hurting, but I hate people at the same time. I want to be a great teacher and exhorter and merciful christian brother, but I cant stand the taste that the church leaves in my mouth. I suppose my struggle is not so unusual, but it is because its mine. Perhaps, while Im praying for my own understanding in this, I should pray for yours also. Cause we're probably all there in some way. I know nobody reads this, but thanks for your ear. Christ I love you with all that is within me - help me live you with all that is me too. Captare Veritas - Seek Truth

Better Questions

Woohoo. I've got a new favorite CD! No big suprise to anyone who really knows my music(which would be Trish), but it's Todd Agnew's "Better Questions." I love that the guy is so open and honest about his own walk, and he puts it down for us because we all share the same struggles wether we like to admit it or not. I really took something he said to heart. He said that God is big enough to take our frustrations and questions. Its not gonna hurt Him for us to scream and beat on his chest because we're in pain. Much the same as we would hold our own children if they lashed out in fear and misunderstanding. So often we are afraid to ask the hard questions about our faith, fearing it will hinder our faith. In all actuallity, if we trully believe that it is the Truth, questions will only bring about a deeper faith and understanding. You cannot disprove what is true. Trish and I have run into a lot of fear and reaction when we bring up questions that are counter cultural to commonly accepted christian thinking. The sad thing is that we're not trying to make a point, we're really searching for the hard truth. It always comes down to feeling awkward and leaving with the same old answers that we've always heard thrown at us as if we're a nuisance. And if that same old answer is the right answer, that's great........ just show it to me with a real in depth, backed up answer. Not just what we've been told in paraphrase by preachers all our lives. I know those answers, I'm looking for something deeper. Its not anyone else's job to find those answers for me, Ican read the Bible myself, but when you can't even talk about it.... thats sad man.

Saturday on Beale St. with the drunk and the searching, I hear an old man playing guitar. I can't make out what he's saying, but I can tell you that he's suffered. And he means every word from the bottom of what's left of his heart tonight. A few hours later I slip into church singing songs about saving grace. One guy's nodding off and another hates to be here, and we all mouth the words to save face. Its 11:15 on Sunday morning, and I wish I was...
On a corner in Memphis, listening to the old man singing out his sorrows and laying down his pride. He's telling me his story, or at least his side with no need to pretend and no place to hide.
Cause we are all broken here, and we're all ashamed. I couldn't fool you if I wanted to. Our stories are too much the same. And what about this Jesus: they say he drank with the poor and the blind and the lame. Do you think he'd like the songs that we sing, or would he feel the same as I do? What if Sunday school was on Saturday night....
On a corner in Memphis, listening to the old man singing out his sorrows and laying down his pride. He's telling me his story, or at least his side with no need to pretend and no place to hide. On a corner in Memphis.
What if thier heart-breaking cries of pain are the first hymns of tommorrow's saints?
On a corner in Memphis, we're singing with the old man, crying for his sorrows and laying down our pride. He's telling us our story, or at least his side with no need to pretend and no place to hide. On a corner in Memphis.
On a Corner in Memphis - Todd Agnew

I am so Happy!

I am so HAPPY that someone is finally kickin the crap out of Micheal Mann (even if it is fictional). His name is Micheal Mann, right? You know the idiot who's responsible for Fahrenheit 9/11 and Bowling for Columbine. Has anyone seen the trailer for "An American Carol"? I realize that its extreme, hint: that's what makes it funny. I hope the movie is clean. I would love to see it. Well, here's hopin. It always amazed me how popular his movies seemed. Course, can you trust how popular something seems when 97% of media is completely slanted towards liberal ideas?! Glad to see that I'm not the only one who thinks the guy is psycho. There's something in me that wants to ask how everyone feels about it, but frankly, I DON"T CARE! The guy is crazy, he is the epitome of the deterioration of America, and if you disagree than I already know what to think of your ideas. So, have fun, have your opinions, and have a nice day!

Where I've been working this time out.

Here we go.

Well, I guess this is my welcome to the world of blogging. So much for not giving in to the temptation of technology. :) I am traveling with work, so I visited a church where I happened to be this morning. I must say that the worship service was wonderful, and the people were very kind. Let me also point out that I had no problems with the basic message from the preacher. One thing got to me though- He quoted some very noted preachers who believe that salvation is a key to a prosperous life. Not neccessarilly monetarily, but I know for a fact that one of them is quoted as saying that, "I never have a bad day." This is not uncommon in the church today. Many believe that Christ came not only to save our souls from damnation, but also our bodies from ANY ailment and our pocketbooks from financial anorexia. What an egotistical, Americanized way of thinking. Are we to tell our brothers and sisters in so many foreign countries who suffer with crippling torture and overwhelming persecution that IF they had enough faith they would "never have a bad day?" Or what of my friend who is a street preacher in Galveston. He sees souls saved and lives changed continuously for Christ, yet he fights financially. God takes care of his needs, and he is amazingly positive. HIS pocket is not fat and I have seen him struggle with a bad day. Yet I count him as a great spiritual role model. I once was bitter towards those who were "better off" than me and my family, but thankfully through God's maturing process, I am usually glad for them and wish them the best now. I have no grudge against those who prosper and are healthy, especially if they are Christians. But in a world of Joel Osteen's "better you" philosophies and feel good spirituality, perhaps we need a little struggle to remind us of the reality of this harsh world and God's amazing grace. Hopefully I am not being to harsh, but the truth is love, and like true love sometimes it hurts so that what is right comes forth in the end. To all my brothers and sisters who may read this blog, thanks for your time. Pray for my family and I, we will be praying for you too. Captare Veritas